One thing that’s changed dramatically during the last generation is the fixation of young people on their sexual “number.” That is, the number of people they’ve had sex with. (Note: We’re talking P in V here.)
I have never been asked the question, nor have I ever asked a man to share his number. Well, that’s not technically true. I asked my college boyfriend (my first) if he lost his virginity with me, and he refused to answer. I took that as a yes.
Though young people today have fewer partners than they did 20 years ago, they’re much more preoccupied with keeping track.
The sexual double standard is stronger than ever, as evidenced by fudged accounting; men tend to exaggerate their numbers and women often minimize theirs. Just how useful is this information? Consider the following examples of half a dozen different 25 year-old guys:
His first partner was his high school girlfriend, whom he dated for 2 years. A good looking guy, he got a lot of attention from girls in college, and had sex with 8 women during those four years. After graduation, he began a relationship that lasted three years. When she dumped him a year ago, and broke his heart, he hit the bars hard and had 5 one-night stands.
Daniel has had sex with 15 women.
After graduating from college a virgin, Daniel rejected his strict Christian upbringing and attended some bootcamps to learn how to be a Pickup Artist. In four years, he has approached thousands of women, gotten about 75 number closes, and f*ck closed 15 times. If he’s being honest, Daniel will acknowledge that most of his conquests were extremely drunk and a couple tried to say no at the last minute, but he was too aroused to stop. His dream is to visit Latvia and have sex with a different girl every night.
He lost his virginity when his frat brothers arranged a hookup for him his junior year. Though he didn’t feel great about it, he roofied another half dozen girls at parties before he graduated, pleased to have racked up a respectable count by then. In the four years since graduation, he’s been living in Brooklyn and trying to meet women at house parties and in bars. He gets lucky now and then, but hasn’t been able to get a second “date” with anyone. Though he’s not ashamed of his number, he wishes that he’d had sex more than 15 times by now.
George has had sex with 15 women.
He was a basketball player at a Division I powerhouse. When he returned from practice and games, he would often find groupies lining the hall of his apartment building. His freshman year he had sex with 14 women, in most cases multiple times. After a couple of bouts with chlamydia, George was disgusted both with himself and the women he’d been using. He resolved to not have sex again until he was in love. Junior year he met Jenny, and they’re engaged to be married next fall.
Christopher has had sex with 2 women.
He has little interest in relationships and would love nothing more than to have one-night stands every weekend. He’d hoped that by now his number would be 15. But he struggles to attract women despite several years of attempting to apply Game. Infuriatingly, he has been told he gives off a “creepy” vibe. He’s sick of the goddamn narcissistic, entitled bitches.
James went to a private all-boys high school. He had good friends in college, but didn’t feel all that comfortable approaching women and generally held back. A late bloomer, at the age of 21 James was scouted by a modeling agent and signed with Ford Models. Tall and lanky, he wears clothes beautifully and has become a runway favorite. Suddenly women won’t leave him alone. James is flattered, but after having three one-night stands that left him feeling like crap, he decided he was no longer interested in having sex with randoms. He’s had two girlfriends in the last three years. It’s hard to sustain a relationship with his travel schedule. He’s thinking of going back to school.
As you can see, the number a guy racks up may or may not reflect:
his level of attractiveness
his personality traits
Without a full picture of someone’s history, knowing their previous number of sexual partners is a poor metric for relationship fitness. Even if you wanted a guy with 0 previous partners you would still have to assess whether his inexperience was a function of his lack of options or some noble sexual ethic.
Just for fun, let’s rank our 6 guys for relationship potential based on this limited information.
Here’s my ranking:
Though to be honest, if I can’t have one of my top three, kill me now.